A shocking new Pew Research poll released Tuesday revealed that 97% of Americans now support murder, provided the killer has a “relatable” or “compelling” backstory.

“Context is everything,” said Dr. Helen Frowny, a criminologist who reportedly binged eight true-crime documentaries before drafting the survey. “If he lost his dog, had a tough childhood, or once got yelled at in a Starbucks, then homicide is basically character growth.”

Netflix executives immediately announced plans for Murderverse: Origins, a 12-part series following a misunderstood barista who slaughters an entire HOA board. Early test audiences described him as “relatable, hot, and probably right.”

Critics warn the trend could normalize violence, but respondents disagreed. “If a guy kills people for money, that’s evil,” one voter said. “But if he kills billionaires for evicting single moms? That’s justice.”

The White House declined to comment, though aides confirmed President Trump is considering pardons for anyone that follows him on Truth Social.