WASHINGTON, D.C. — FBI Director Kash Patel was honored Friday with an honorary theology degree in what experts are calling “the most confusing field of study since Pastafarianism.” The degree recognizes Patel’s groundbreaking work combining Norse mythology, Christianity, and Hindu tradition into a single, incoherent eulogy.

“To my friend Charlie Kirk: rest now, brother. We have the watch. And I’ll see you in Valhalla,” Patel said, apparently speedrunning three world religions in a single sentence.

Representatives from Oxford, the Vatican, and the Asatru Folk Assembly attended the ceremony, each fighting to claim Patel as their own. Patel accepted the award wearing a Viking helmet, a clerical collar, and a saffron shawl, while holding a hammer and a copy of the King James Bible.

“The beauty of theology is its diversity,” Patel said. “Some people quote scripture, some chant mantras, and some row flaming longboats into the afterlife. I say — why not all three?”

The honorary program reportedly includes courses such as “Advanced Shield Wall Baptism,” “Intro to Reincarnated Jesus,” and “Goat Sacrifice for Credit.”

At press time, scholars were debating whether Valhalla now required confession or if Hindus would be offered reincarnation at the mead hall entrance.