MIDLAND, TX — Local father Brent Collier is blasting President Biden’s student loan forgiveness plan, insisting that Americans should “earn their education” the way his kids did: by inheriting millions in oil royalties the day they turned 18.

“My kids didn’t need handouts,” Collier told reporters while leaning against a custom leather armchair embroidered with the family crest. “They paid for their degrees the honest way — by being born into the right family. That’s just hard work.”

Collier went on to explain that his children learned the value of money early, having been raised on a sprawling ranch with multiple oil wells and a private tutor for “real-world economics.”

“When you make a kid write a $50,000 tuition check out of their own trust fund, that builds character,” he added.

Critics online mocked Collier’s comments, with one viral post reading, “Nothing says meritocracy like finishing your MBA between yacht parties.”

At press time, Collier said he had “no problem with helping people,” as long as “help” came in the form of a tax write-off for the next oil pipeline.