Local witnesses confirmed Wednesday that MicroStrategy co-founder Michael Saylor was seen striding confidently into a suburban sperm bank, muttering something about “infinite liquidity” and raising new Bitcoin funds.

Saylor insisted on filling out the intake form with details about Satoshi, then bragged to the receptionist that his “seed is harder money than gold.” One bystander reported hearing him whisper, “Every deposit brings me closer to hyperbitcoinization.”

Industry analysts immediately praised the move. “This is bullish,” said Dr. Randall Splurge, senior strategist at the Institute for Questionable Finance. “Most billionaires diversify into bonds. Saylor diversifies into bodily fluids, then converts them straight into Bitcoin buys.”

Crypto Twitter erupted in approval, with one fan posting: “True proof-of-work. Pump it, king.”

MicroStrategy later released a statement clarifying that all samples would be stored in cold wallets until liquidated for further Bitcoin accumulation.