The NFL issued a reminder Sunday morning that National Tight End Day is meant to “celebrate the strategic importance of the position,” not “unchecked ogling of muscular men in compression fabric.” Millions of American housewives immediately responded by leaning three inches closer to the TV.

League representatives encouraged fans to “appreciate blocking technique,” which most viewers quickly agreed is best observed from a rear viewing angle, ideally in 4K and slow motion.

“Right, strategy,” said Denise Malone, 46, before biting her lip at a camera zoom on #88’s lower half. “I’ve never rooted for a first down so hard in my life. Run it again. For educational purposes.”

According to Nielsen data, female viewership experienced a record spike during pre-snap formations, particularly when tight ends bent forward “for leverage.” Male fans also reported subtle alignment with the holiday, though many claimed they were “just admiring the athleticism while blinking suspiciously slow.”

Meanwhile, the NFL social team attempted to post a wholesome montage of famous plays, only to discover that 94% of replies consisted of peach emojis, unsolicited slow-mo edits, and the phrase “God bless denim-strength spandex.”

Asked whether the league would consider moving the celebration to a less sexually charged framing, spokespeople said they were “reviewing the matter.” Sources confirm this review was interrupted when someone yelled “OH HERE COMES 88 AGAIN” and the entire department sprinted back to the screen.

At press time, America remained steadfastly committed to the tight portion of Tight End Day.