PBS viewers were left slack-jawed this week as Sesame Street officially pivoted from “learning the alphabet” to “staring into the abyss of moral philosophy.”

The new episode, ominously titled Elmo Decides Who Lives and Who Dies, puts the beloved red puppet at the center of the Trolley Problem. Faced with a runaway trolley headed toward Cookie Monster, Grover, Abby Cadabby, Zoe, and Snuffleupagus, Elmo is given one choice: pull a lever to save his friends, but sacrifice Big Bird.

The episode featured upbeat singalongs like “Sometimes Math Demands Blood” and “Which Way Do We Go, Which Way Do We Die?” before climaxing with Elmo yanking the lever and muttering, “Elmo sorry, Big Bird, but five is more than one.”

Parents immediately flooded social media with outrage. “I wanted my daughter to learn about sharing, not watch Elmo commit vehicular homicide,” one mom tweeted, while another admitted her son hasn’t slept since hearing Elmo’s cheery murder ballad.

PBS defended the episode as “a bold step in teaching kids about utilitarian ethics.” Insiders claim next week’s installment, Oscar Harvests Children’s Organs for Spare Change, will feature a singalong finale.