SACRAMENTO, CA — In what critics are calling “method trolling gone horribly right,” California Governor Gavin Newsom reportedly underwent a rare double hand reduction surgery this week to complete his transformation into Donald Trump’s most committed parody.

“Gavin said if he was going to do this, he had to do it all the way,” said Dr. Larry Pinkus, the surgeon who claims to have removed nearly 35% of Newsom’s finger length. “It was either this or start golfing 12 hours a day, and frankly, the procedure seemed less destructive.”

Witnesses say Newsom emerged from recovery already posting in ALL CAPS, fumbling with his phone like “a toddler holding a Subway sandwich.” His first post-op message simply read: “TINY HANDS. HUGE WIN.”

Republicans mocked the stunt as “deranged,” while Democrats nervously insisted it was a form of “social media affirming care.” Meanwhile, former President Trump weighed in at a recent press conference: “His hands are still bigger than mine. Sad!”

Medical experts warn the governor may face complications, including difficulty opening jars, shaking hands, or signing legislation without a team of interns to hold the pen.

At press time, Newsom was rumored to be considering further procedures, including a spray-tan overdose and elective tie-lengthening surgery, to fully cement his commitment to the bit.