The incident occurred at a private spa in Mar-a-Lago. Sources say Trump entered the booth confidently but left looking like a radioactive traffic cone. Witnesses claim the disaster began when he ignored the attendant’s instructions to “pivot”—a crucial step Ross Geller famously botched in the sitcom.

“It was like déjà vu,” said spa employee Carla Gleem. “Except instead of Ross yelling, ‘I’m an eight!’ we heard Trump shouting, ‘I’m a perfect ten!’ while glowing like Chernobyl with hair.”

The uneven tan left him blazing pumpkin on the front but pale corpse on the back. “It’s like two presidents fused together,” commented one spa employee. “From the front, he’s Oompa-Loompa chic. From the back, he’s Casper after a fentanyl overdose.”

Social media exploded with memes, one user tweeting: “That’s not a tan, that’s an OSHA violation.”

Unbothered, Trump declared, “This is the greatest tan in history. Everyone says it’s perfect, better than Ross, better than anyone.”

Homeland Security has raised the threat level to “burnt sienna” amid fears of MAGA copycat tanners.