At a press conference Thursday, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. appeared before reporters wearing what he described as “a prototype medical breakthrough” — a giant foreskin designed to repel autism, toxins, and negative vibes.

The garment, a beige sleeveless tube stretched tightly around his body, was introduced as “The Final Barrier Between Man and Modern Medicine.”

“You can’t get autism if you’re completely enclosed,” Kennedy said, his voice muffled slightly by the collar. “That’s just common sense. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. Not Tylenol, not mercury, not Bill Gates’ Wi-Fi.”

Campaign aides nodded nervously while Kennedy demonstrated how the foreskin’s “holistic elasticity” could “block pharmaceutical frequencies” if properly hydrated with essential oils.

Dr. Todd Wormley, a self-identified energy chiropractor, praised the concept: “It’s basically herd immunity, but for one guy who’s really committed.”

When asked about scientific backing, Kennedy replied that “peer review is a psyop” and began slowly rotating in place “to balance the biofield.”

By the end of the event, he was slowly rolling toward the exit ramp, shouting, “They laughed at Galileo too!” as staffers tried to guide him away from traffic cones.

The campaign later clarified the foreskin was “symbolic.” But sources say Kennedy refused to remove it, claiming he’d “never felt so protected from science.”